Understanding Your World
by unlockthelore
Summary: A collection of snippets centering on the relationship between Hiei and Kurama throughout the series. Chapter 3: Hiei knows that the entirety of the worlds don't need to understand how he feels for Kurama, the only one who needs to hear it is the only world that matters to him.
1. Gratitude

It was much easier to gather his thoughts in the early morning when the world was quieter and the house had settled. The fox and his mother sleeping soundly in their beds gave him the chance to roam the house with abandon yet somehow, he always ended up here. Inches from the foot of the fox's bed beneath the window sill with his back pressed flushed against the wall and his eyes half-lidded as the shadows bent and twisted in his eyes cleaving a path to him . It was ridiculous, this infatuation that nestled deep within his bones and the crevices of his being, threatening to burn him from the inside out.

There was chaos beneath his skin, turmoil that kept him from closing his eyes in efforts of not seeing the faces of enemies long dead, or memories of times that would never return but left him with scars on his soul. With his knee pulled to his chest and his head drooping, he felt his eyelids flutter shut only to open again with a start as the fox turned in his sleep. How many times had that been? Ten, perhaps fifteen. He'd lost count with every weary sigh and the creak of his bed as he tossed and turned every so often.

Something was bothering him. That much was clear. And as he glanced around at the shadows as if the source was in this very room with them, he found he had none other to blame for the fox's discomfort than the reaches of his own mind. Odd how a man who was the very being that most feared lurked in the dark was frightened by the shadows which lurked in his own mind. A sharp burning in his right arm made him close his eyes as the voice in the back of his mind chided him.

He is in pain .

Yes, that was clear.

Go to him.

Where else would he go?

Pushing to his feet, he removed his boots and discarded his cloak, folding it neatly and laying it against the back of the fox's desk chair. His sword leant against the side of the desk out of sight should the fox's human mother decide to check in on him through the night. The floor was cold beneath his bare feet but the cold did not bother him. Nor did the heat of the fox's skin beneath his fingers as he neared his bedside, reaching out to brush red tresses from his forehead beaded with sweat. A slight creak was the only warning he had before a vine shot from beneath the bed seeking purchase within his back, a slight step to the side caused it to miss its mark, and as it turned, he raised his free hand and grasped it tightly, though not enough to crush the fibers within.

The fox's eyes fluttered beneath his eyelids and the strength in the vine's insistence to protect him caused his arm to tremble as he held it at bay. The thought crossed his mind to shred the vine to pieces but when his eyes fell on the fox's face, that was no longer an option. His plants were important to him and by association, they were important to him .

The vine neared him as his arm quaked and he sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"Kurama," he muttered softly. "It's okay."

His hand laid against his forehead, warm against flushed skin and gently brushed his fingertips along his skin.

"I'm here, Kurama."

The furrow in his brow and the fluttering beneath his eyelids lessened, his face relaxing and the vine's insistence ebbed away as it relaxed and began its retreat beneath the bed. Opening his hand to allow it to depart, he turned his palm over and sighed. The skin was damaged, rubbed raw from holding onto the vine, but it didn't matter. The fox's soft sigh as he leant into his touch was what mattered as did the way his arms fit around him as he settled beside him, allowing himself to lie beside him and hold him close. The fox's head tucked in the juncture between his neck and shoulder, his arm finding purchase around his waist as he relaxed and his lips curved into a smile.

Despite the stinging in his hand, the scar he was sure would form, he wrapped his arm around the fox's shoulder and rested his chin atop his head, content to hold him as he slept. The shadows bent and twisted away from them and he would be certain to keep them away from the fox's dreams as well. His own eyes fluttered shut and for the first time, he was able to find sleep.

The next morning crept upon him and when he opened his eyes, he felt a shifting in his arms and glanced down to see green irises staring up at him with a silent question posed. One that he did not feel need answering and as he drew his hands away, he allowed his fingers to brush his hair away from his forehead, recognition lighting up those eyes and his chest felt warm. The fox wordlessly taking his injured hand and reaching into his hair for a seed,pressing it against the wound then covering his hand with his own.

The pressure from his youki was soft, insistent, warm, and so familiar. His eyelids drooped as his hands fell away, the flower resting in his palm seeping into his skin and healing the flesh.

"Hiei," the fox said, garnering his attention and stealing his breath away.

The sunlight illuminated him, and his smile was so bright that it almost hid all of the emotions in those eyes but they were on display for him.

"Thank you."

Once he found his voice, he muttered quietly in the small space between them, refusing to shy away from the fox's gaze or the fingers that traced his healed skin.

"You never have to thank me for anything."


	2. Thoughts

There was a strange warmth and comfort which came from the fox's presence. Within this structure built of clay, brick and stone, inside of a space which smelt of the earth and the depths of the Makai, he felt peace. The fox sat a table which oddly smelled of wood, the voice within his mind told him that it was a desk , but he could not see the use of it aside from holding things. Things which seemingly bored the fox to no end. Books with various pictures, numbers, letters, and configurations which bored him endlessly but seemed to enrapture the fox as he poured over them one by one beneath an odd metal lantern. The voice within his mind reminded him once again that it was a desk lamp but he was not interested. No, what interested him was the minute flicks of the fox's eyes as he glanced from one set of words to the next. The deft movement of his fingers as he wrote on a page then stopped, the sound of the lead against the paper in time with the turning of a page and then the process would begin anew.

He wanted to say that the fox was beautiful like this but the description felt far too simple . Enchanting, enthralling, mesmerizing, nothing seemed to fit and as he scoured the reaches of his vocabulary for an appropriate descriptor, the fox would take another breath and his attention would be stolen. He'd long since deduced that the fox was dangerous. Able to steal his focus with a breath, the mere hint of his presence, or simply being . But it was not awful nor was it in unpleasant. Perhaps sordid wasn't the word to describe being in his presence. Nothing that felt this consuming and distracting, warm like being submerged in —

"Hiei, are you alright?"

Though his eyes were open, taking in every one of the fox's movements, he wasn't entirely aware . If he had been then he might have noticed the way that the fox was looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and concern in furrowed brows and pursed lips. His eyebrows furrowed. He didn't like that expression on the fox. The upward curve of his lips when he found something amusing, the glint in green irises when he said something clever, the faintest hint of a smile when he glanced in his direction away from the prying eyes of others. Those were the expressions that he liked the most on the fox, and though he couldn't imagine finding anything about him displeasing, he would have guessed his displeasure came from his involvement in causing such an expression.

"Hiei," the fox repeated, his voice sounding closer and when he blinked, he saw that the fox was indeed closer.

Roses, the wilds of the Makai, fresh soil and something else clung to him and try as he might to scent the air while keeping his place, he couldn't quite pick out the final smell. Whatever it was, it was soothing just as he was soothing. Yes, sordid wasn't the word to describe this feeling. The fox did not make him feel dirty or unclean, and he did not inspire disgust or vileness. Not of the likes that he'd seen before, and he'd seen much and more than he would have liked. But nothing like him.

The fox's lips parted though before he could utter a word, a loud clap of thunder from outside broke the silence between them. He turned his head to look toward the window, the fluffy white towel draped across his shoulders rubbing against his cheek and catching the water from dripping black locks. The rain pounding against the window sill reminding him that he shouldn't leave anytime soon. Nor did he want to. The fox glancing between him and the window, something akin to understanding clearing the confusion from his eyes as he nodded.

"The storm should end soon," the fox said, rising with such grace that he wondered if it was practiced, then making his way back to his desk. "Will you be headed back to the Makai?"

The thought crossed his mind. The smell of the forests, wide open plains, an endless sky free of the pollution that humans caused, far away from the sounds of machines and the endless chattering of man. Though the Makai was far more tame than it had been in the past, it was still home, and yet…

It did not have a metal box which would show him interesting pictures. The voice in the back of his mind reminded him it was called a television but he did not feel the need to filter his own thoughts.

The Makai also did not possess this familiar structure made out of clay, brick and stone or this space which smelt of earth, roses, and soil.

It did not have the fox either. Try as he might to think of a way to persuade him to venture into the Makai if only for a moment, to stand at his side beneath that endless sky. Though for one reason or another, the fox had his reasons for not returning and though he wished for him to do so, he would not dissuade him. It was his decision to make and he would support him — they both would, the voice in his mind told him.

"Kurama."

His voice rough from disuse and husky seemingly startled the fox who turned to look at him with a tilt of his head.

"Yes, Hiei?"

Closing his eyes, he settled back against the wall and listened to the rain as it fell. The gentle settings of the house in the floor, the roof, the walls. The rise and fall of the fox's chest as he breathed and the beating of his heart though he wished he was closer so that he could hear it better. That would have to wait. The fox did have papers to write — homework , the voice in his mind reminded.

"When will you be finished?"

His world tunnels in as he focuses on the fox's thoughtful hum, the shuffling of papers, and light tap as a book is closed and set away.

"In a few minutes, fifteen to twenty at the most, why do you ask?"

He hums in kind then tucks his chin against his chest, arms folded as he settles in. His silence is an answer in itself and he hears the fox's chair as it is pulled out and he takes a seat, the scratching of the lead against paper and turning of pages comes quicker than before. The corner of his lips twitch and try as he might, he could not help but smile as he opened his eyes to peer at the fox.

There was an unparalleled warmth and comfort which came from the fox's presence. The faintest of smiles on the fox's lips as he worked to finish with an eagerness that at first glance might have been mistaken for dedication sent a thrill through him. Looking over his shoulder to the window and the world beyond, it would have been easy to leave but he had no desire to. If it was Kurama's decision to stay here then he would stay with him.

Catching sight of his reflection in the window, dark irises normally colored crimson were an inky black.

"Alright, I'm done, Hiei."

Blinking once, they returned to a shade of crimson.


	3. Whispers

Hiei knows that he has been wrong. In more ways than one, he can pinpoint his errors in judgement and where he might have taken a few missteps in the past that could have led to Kurama being like this. Yet, he also knows that he isn't the root cause of Kurama's current state and despite himself, his heart aches for the fox. He tells himself to be strong for Kurama but there is no amount of strength that can protect the fox from the thoughts which keep him just lying there. Although Hiei knows that Kurama is capable of exhaustion, there is something wrong about the fox when he's like this.

Sullen, quiet, devoid of the natural life and cheer that seemed to come so naturally to him. The person that Hiei had been confused by and undeniably attracted to because of how different they were. But like this, with his scars laid bare, Kurama never seemed more like him and it burned him to admit. The fox hadn't noticed him when he entered the room, his silence is deafening, not the quiet calm that Hiei had grown accustomed to. There are no lights on, his things are tucked away neatly but there is a disarray. It's centered in the man lying on his bed motionless, his arm covering his eyes and the only sign that he was alive being the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Even that isn't enough for Hiei and as he crosses the room, shedding his boots, sword, cloak and his ward, Kurama does not stir until he is close enough to his bedside. There is a silence and Hiei wonders what to do next. His fingers slowly uncurl then curl into fists and he turns on his heel, sitting with his back against the bed and his legs crossed. It wasn't as close as he wanted to be to Kurama but he knew better than to reach for the fox. He needed his space and loathe as Hiei was to let him suffer, he told himself that he was close enough to help.

And yet that isn't enough .

Closing his eyes, Hiei took a deep breath but it only stoked the flames in his heart as he exhaled and stared forward resolutely. "I'm not him, Kurama," he said slowly, his gaze dropped to his hands as they rested in his lap. "But I am still here."

There is no reply and he doesn't expect there to be. He doesn't feel hurt, he doesn't feel much aside from the pain that he feels his partner must be experiencing. But one of them has to be strong, if they fell apart then they'd fall together but not like this. Kurama needed him and he would be there for him.

"If you ask me to, I will stay."

The words permeate the air, solidify, and take effect because his ears pick up the subtle rustle of Kurama's sleeve and his movements on the bed. Warm arms envelop his neck, wrapping around his shoulders and from the corner of his eye, he can see red tresses filling his vision. There are no words and he is content with just this, the flame in his heart smoldering as he reaches up to hold onto the fox's forearm, ignoring the dampness of his sleeve and shutting his eyes tightly.

"I'm here, Kurama," he sighs, remaining still.

He knows that Kuronue haunts Kurama's memories. He recognizes Kuronue's place in the fox's heart and the place he held within his past. And distantly, he wished upon a time that he could have met the fox's former partner. Thanked him for helping Kurama as much as he did, thank him for laying down his life for him so that Hiei had a chance to meet the fox himself. And curse him although Hiei had a feeling that the both of them would have known there was nothing for it. This just was who Kurama was, there was nothing else for it. But it didn't lessen the hurt.

"Don't leave," Kurama said, his voice soft and muffled, rough with disuse.

How long has it been since you said anything?

Hiei shifted slightly, resting his head against Kurama's and squeezing his forearm again. "Why would I when you're here? We go together or not at all."

Talk to me, I am here for you, I will protect you.

From the corner of his eye, Hiei noticed the fox's fingers curling and his nails digging into the side of his arms. He sighed and reached up to brush his fingers against Kurama's, tilting his head away to kiss the fox's knuckles

"You're going to hurt yourself," he reminded softly.

The grip loosened and Hiei sat with his head resting against Kurama's for a moment, letting the silence fill the space between them. Idly, he ran his fingers up and down the fox's arm, pressing the occasional kiss to the side of his head or his fingers before breaking the silence.

"Do you want me to hold you?"

There's no immediate answer to his question but he feels the nod and his eyes slip shut with a light tap to Kurama's arm.

"You have to let me go for a moment," he says, his voice a soft whisper as he says, "I won't go far."

There's a beat of hesitation before Kurama's arms slowly ease from his neck and he sits up. Hiei slowly standing up and making sure that he doesn't move too far, turning to look at him and his heart plummeted into his stomach. Eyes growing wide at the look on his partner's face, his lips trembled before he frowned and reached out to hold his face in his hands. There's a dullness to the fox's eyes, the sclera puffy as is his face. Hiei knew that he smelt the salt, knew that the fox has been crying but he says nothing. Joining him on the bed, he kneels and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead then another to his eyes before wrapping his arms around him.

Kurama presses closer to his touch and wraps his arms around him, returning the hold, and they stay like that for a moment longer before sinking down to lie on their sides. Hiei wrapping his arms around his torso and his forehead pressed against his, content to breathe the same air as him.

"Do you want me to talk?"

Dull green eyes meet his own, half-lidded as Kurama leaned closer to nuzzle him. "...I would prefer it."

Hiei closed his eyes briefly, muttering softly, "I don't think less of you.. For crying or being upset."

"You don't?"

Hiei sighed. He might value strength, he might not accept vulnerability form himself, but Kurama had no reason to be ashamed. He had every right to feel . And Hiei would never allow the fox to shame himself in his presence.

His hand wandered from Kurama's back up his side to palm his cheek, quietly wiping away the tear streaks that hadn't tried.

"I do not," Hiei said, opening his eyes.

Kurama with his eyes closed, face puffy and miserable , he hated this but willed himself to continue talking.

"You are my rose."

And he was. Beautiful, dangerous, appealing to the eye but with thorns that could pierce him at any time. There was a mystery and an appealing nature to him and Hiei wanted him thorns an all. While others might've been content to only admire the rose and others wanted the power that the thorns held, Hiei wanted Kurama, and with him in his arms - he wouldn't let him go. Not if he wanted him to stay.

Kurama's fingers curled in his tanktop and tugged and Hiei could feel the light scratch of blunt nails against his skin.

"You are…" Kurama breathed, his voice wavering and breaking . "My everything ."

Hiei's eyes widened and his heart clenched. Every moment, every fight that he'd flung himself into, every half-assed banter where the fox seemed to only be chiding him but might have been worried crossed his mind. Kurama had lost one partner to circumstances out of his control but Hiei knew that he threw himself into fights with abandon. Wanting to prove himself. When the man he loved was —

"I'm sorry," Hiei said before he could finish the thought. "I shouldn't have… I shouldn't have disregarded how much my life meant to you."

Kurama swallowed thickly and Hiei felt the regret twist his insides.

"It is…" Kurama hesitated, his lips pressed together and he frowns. "The only regret I have. If it were to be your fate, I would not survive nor would I want to."

The thought crosses his mind. Kurama being torn away from him and no matter how much he reached. No matter what power he attained. He wouldn't be able to bring the fox back without a sacrifice insurmountable. One that would shatter the very foundation of who he is.

Opening his mouth, Hiei felt like he understood. Kurama's plight, the very thing that he mocked him for when under the control of the Sword — his feelings for his human mother. It was the same.

"If it meant saving your life, I would have used Forlorn Hope."

Kurama's eyes shot open and Hiei looked on quietly as he pulled away to look at his face, the hands holding him tightening their hold. It was painful but it was worth it for the fox to know that he meant this. He meant that he would go to the end of the line, that he would give his life it meant Kurama would live.

"You can't mean that."

For a second, Kurama looked like his old self. Worried for Hiei's well-being, trying to remind him in subtle displays that he is worth something. Worth caring for. Worth living. It warms him, makes him almost want to smile, but he cannot. Kurama's fingers ghost across his skin, shivers running down his spine as his fingers brush against his cheek.

"Hiei," he calls and it's a siren's song that almost spurs him to take it back but he can't.

That would be a lie and he would never lie to him.

"Don't make me lie to you, Kurama."

The fox's palm is warm against his cheek, soft and comforting, he leans into the touch as his thumb runs along his cheek.

"It would be a foolish sacrifice," Kurama mutters. "Seeing as I'd be right behind you…"

"You wouldn't abandon Yuusuke and Kuwabara, that isn't like you."

Looking at Kurama like this, he could see the seriousness in his eyes as he leant his forehead against his. Knew what the fox would say before he said it and as emerald green eyes were shuttered again, Hiei knew his answer.

"I can't be without you."

"You won't have to be. I will stay if you ask me to."

"I want you to stay."

Leaning in, Hiei pressed a kiss to his lips. It's bitter with the fox's tears but soft and sweet all at once and he leans into it. Kurama returning the gesture and his hands relax against his back, the hand carressing his cheek grounding him as he ends the kiss. But it's impossible to move far away, mumbling against his lips, a quiet promise meant for his ears alone.

"Then I'm yours."

"Together or not at all," Kurama nudged his head against Hiei's. "If something happens to you, I won't be far behind."

Hiei chuckled and nudged him back, allowing a smile. "I love you too."

Then like a flower blooming, Kurama smiles and the light returns to his eyes albeit barely, it is a glimmer and that is enough. Hiei pulling back one of his hands to palm his cheek and run his thumb beneath his eyes. "There it is…" He said with barely kept glee, unable to stop himself from smiling wide.

Kurama leaning into his touch is all that he needs and more, but the apology in his voice as he mutters, "I apologize for worrying you." twists his heart.

"You don't have to apologize. You were upset," Hiei insists, shifting to press a kiss to his forehead. "That aside, taking care of you isn't a burden."

His lips brush across his cheek and Kurama turns his head to press their lips together, the kiss gentle and distracting. The fox pulling away before Hiei can bring him closer and he smiles, nuzzling him with a smile. "And there it is again…"

"Enjoy having me smile?" Kurama said, the amusement lilting his words and Hiei chuckles.

"I find joy in your happiness.."

That earns him another kiss and black tinges the edges of his sight. He can feel the Dragon's pull and leans into the kisses.

"We both do…" He sighs.

Kurama doesn't move far from him, their lips still brushing against one another when he mumbles, "Thank you.. Both of you. This is far more than I ever imagined I deserved."

There are many things Hiei would have loved to say in rebuttal to that but he can only think of one.

"We will have to agree to disagree.."

The Dragon rises upon him, spurring him to wrap his arms around Kurama and hug him close, their voices overlapping with the Dragon's deep timbre meshing with his own. "We believe you deserve the world."

Kurama curls close to him and Hiei shuts his eyes.

"I love you both."

The mark on his arm feels warm and so does his heart, the answer clear even through his teeth.

"We love you as well, Kurama."


End file.
